Unsolicited advice? No thanks.

I am watching my conversations and resulting impact in the relationships I have with my colleagues/friends more closely than ever. One startling discovery has been that people I've encountered (now, they are quite a number, but I shall refrain to generalize) seek empathy and not advice.

Clan 1
More particularly, when folks shared their problems with me, they always needed some understanding soul that can say a few words that make them feel better. Somehow, I was (and probably still am) into the habit of stumbling into giving them advices rather than expressing that I am with them. Not to mention that I can never ever afford to advice someone without understanding them. That would be a blunder and I would not accept of anyone and nothing less of myself. Nevertheless, my neurons which are advice savvy fired before any other! Result - I was perceived more as an advisor than anything else. Rest is history.
A very simple example is when my colleague said he is having a hard time to keep to the work pressure, he rather expected me to feel him and express some consolation, but I instead, gave him quite a gyan to come over it/kill the problem. As I said, I would not give the gyan if I am not genuinely interested in getting my colleague out of shit he was in. Next time, he approached me with another issue of his, I made it a point to make him feel comfortable and then offered my advice in a very low ampere - it was embraced and appreciated!

I have to be frank; this also relates to one of the earlier blogs where I patted myself with solid consoling skills. In fact, they were my advices that were camouflaged as consolation. Unsurprisingly, I was misinterpreted. It is another story that, over time, I made things quite clear and we are great friends now.

Clan 2
This is a tribe that neither expects to be consoled nor advised. This is interesting. I reckon, their feelings are shared as a victim of circumstances. They do not expect anything. In simple terms, it is FYI. So, I better be informed, could perhaps express empthy but again, no unsolicited advice - they are trashed hard and fast.

Perhaps, there is clan 3 as well that presumes they'll not be consoled but advised! Be it tribe 1/2/3, I still have quite a distance to travel in understanding them.

They are called Hostels

It's 2009 and what can be a better start? Satyam finally coming out with Satyam! Lets face it and hope we live by it every moment.

I am back from an exhaustive tour of 10 days from Austria and Czech. Returning to normalcy from 10 days of Nirvana is no easy job. Afterall, one cannot continue with just Beer:-

I (and another friend of mine) started with Innsbruck which is nothing less than a paradise for Skiers and Snowboarders. I was both elated and horrified watching them go down the pinnacle of mountains in rocket pace. They do have Austrian Nerves! It was then Salzburg, a beautiful UN heritage city, Vienna - the city of palaces and back to Hometown to get ready for the next big thing - Czech.

One horizontal feature throughout my trip has been Hostels. I had ofcourse stayed in Hostels during earlier trips in EU but they were neither this long nor chosen with due care. We chose the Hostels together - proving the power of two. How have they been? One word - Orsem! Four different hostels in different countries have certainly had an impact on how I used to perceive them.

For a traveller on a shoestring (like me), it simply cannot get any better than this. The Hostels were surgically clean, safe with lockers, free of bed bugs, cost effective and guess what - there was an ocean of like minded crowd out there. Put in an Introvert in a Hostel and see him transform into a Connector of Connectors!

It was interesting and fun to meet these Backpackers (a good chunk of them travel alone) and exchange ideas. We infact toured the city of Vienna together with a Chinese who was in the same Dorm as ours. A couple of Beers in the indigenous pub and we were a team of 10 playing Snooker. Ofcourse, it was amazing to realize the linear relationship between Perfection and Beer:-
Not to forget the friendly staff who equip you with every basic information you need, the moment you check-in. Wanna visit local Heurige in Vienna, comes an instantaneous reply "try 10 er Marie", authentic Czech food "try Medvidku", disco "try Roxy".

You're single and looking forward for some luck on your side, book mixed Dorms and you could just be as lucky as us. We were three in Czech and we had three ladies in our Dorm! Of course, we were only lucky, not the luckiest:-(

Worst case, you get bored to death - Do not worry, there's free Wi-Fi and LAN (limitied nos. for a fair price) to hook on to your gmail account. So, all you travel freaks out there, next time you're out with your backpack, do give a thought on the Hostels. Its great fun and you'll love it.

But never ever, I repeat, never ever forget to carry your Earplugs.

50 gone, 500 to come

It is exactly 50 days since the blogspot - http://katteboyzbng.blogspot.com/ (the only other blog am an administrator of) has been in place and it’s been a totally interesting journey till now. I am leaving for the day in a while but do not want to miss writing today as this IS something that goes out there for all the folks expressing themselves more candidly than ever.

Number crunching:
Total members: 10
Start date: Oct 16th 2008
First 20 days: Hardly anything moved, the creator of the blogspot (Veteral blogger - Vidyashankar Harappanahalli - popularly known as VSS) was the contributor too
Next 30 days: 30 blogs! (A blog a day) - This is a quantum change considering the facts that:
Eight of the members were first timers - never blogged
All are pressed for time; most are married too
Non contributors: 0, only three of the members (I am one of them), have not authored blogs but they have had their witty comments. Am sure they have so much to write that they are still in process of choosing the “to-be” blockbuster)

I have been a steady observer (and a commentator too) of the blogspot and it’s worth noting the two most apparent actions which I believe have led to what it is today - full of life.

The right Connect - What is in it for me?
It was the creator of the blogspot who realized every available lead into an opportunity to conceptualize the blog. It is this VSS (who was in France sometime ago and still didn’t manage to meet me) who wired the connections. I reckon he did appraise the existence of a virtual free universe of expression to canalize thoughts into words on a webpage in the internet.

How is that?
A few words and a pat on the back made the difference. And yes, a word of caution, all this came naturally! No filmy melodrama in here. Well infact, if you were to go through the blogs, you’ll soon notice that melodrama is not the flavor of coffee this brotherhood savors. Due the fact that everyone appreciated everyone else in their own Being, at worse, nothing could go wrong!

I leave it up to you to tweak the above into today’s management gyan.

I am amazed by the versatility of the blogs. It’s every world out there - Fiction, Fact, Poetry, Literature, Engineering and much more to come.

All in all, to speak for all, kudos to the elite Gemeinde (I’ll let you wonder and wander for an online translator). Today is Friday and as always the tribe will be at the pinnacle of self realization, topped with extra spirits - and so will I.

And yes, all the reasons to cheer VSS and see him off to cloud nine - only for a while:-

hic-hic-hic

Hören sie musik?

Now that winter has kicked in and Christmas around the corner, more often I see dense, obtuse smoke out of the chimneys of many Homes. I reckon they are from the Fireplaces. I love to capture these magic moments but my camera is too good for such shots at night. Time to await my bonus to blow it up on a Nikon SLR.

The impact is seen almost everywhere, less folks in restaurants, office, streets and even swimming pools. Thanks to winter, I now have fewer accidents in the pool (But I used to rule in India, I remember days in December when there were only two - A Doctor who was a religious swimmer and I). Now, if you're guessing that I might have just missed Gold in Olympics....I wish you could be right:-( I am a humble, slow, lazy shark in water. Mine are 40-50 mins crawling with 2 breaks of 3 mins each (I shouldn't miss other colorful stuff you know). I know most of the staff and occasionally keep having a word with them.

It was on a Sunday that I saw this new lady staff who was starring at me every now and then. She bore an amalgamation of expressions - curiosity, perplexity, bewilderment, and what not. I had to ascertain the obvious. It was time soon and I cautiously got out of water when she was not around and headed towards the shower in swift pace - only to meet her right in front of the shower door. I smiled and said "hallo" and so did she. The immediate question she had was "hören sie musik warend schwimmen?"(close to this) which translates into "do you listen to music while swimming?" I took some seconds to let the question sink in and hesitantly said "Nein" (No). Next, she pointed to the thread across my chest and asked what it was. Well, it was the Janai that I put around my neck (while in action) which seemed to her as cords of a new swim slim, ultra light model of iPod which plays in water as well!!

With all the words I knew, I explained her what it means to me - the cords of general merit in India.

Fests beat Pests

It was 3AM in the morning that I returned Home after having been to the "Weinnachtsmarkt" (Christmas market). Of course, these markets close at about 10PM and I was playing Snooker till 2:30AM (And I won 4 games to 2)

I have been observing ever since am here in Germany that almost every month there is always one thing or the other happening at one place or the other (in the near vicinity). The term used is "Fest" which translates into "Festival" in English. Let me cite a few of them:

March - May: "Stadtfest" These are fests that "Rathaus" (Local Municipality) sponsors. A gathering where the entire village comes together. I was surprised to see that almost everyone in my village knows everyone else (I've to say it is not small either, has a population of about 13000). Happens in every town, an opportunity to walk to the Festplatz (Festival hall) and happily get drunk (you need not have to drive back anyways:-). It was in this fest that I heard to “Zap-Gang” a popular rock band in Germany and take it from me - they Rock!

The planning is such that not all StadtFests happen at the same time. They are spread so that you can still enzoy in the neighborhood village if you miss yours!

June - August: Peak Summertime. The time of the year when one can see everyone cycling. The “Freibad” (Open air swimming pools) are flocked and so are the Beer Gardens. Lot of open air music fests. I was more than privileged to have my colleague take me to one such music fest - “Das Fest” in Karlsruhe. The biggest gathering in the state here (Baden Wurttemberg), no entry fee but one rolls bottles till death. Good bands invited, both German and English. About 50000, full of life jam packed crowd. Not to mention the orsem food and many small attractions - from tattooing to body piercing. Very sensibly organized with a lot of toilets:-)
This is still, the only time; I have traveled by train in Germany. It was a 20 min train journey from my place to the Fest and I returned by the last train at 1AM - which reminded me of Mumbai local trains (am serious)

Sept - October: “Winzerfest”. This is how the Autumn is celebrated with new wine from the wine yards. It is called “Nuerwein” (New wine) which is sweet and served in .5 l glasses. Got to be careful as it starts fermenting once it is in your belly:-) the less you drink, more it becomes:- Even these are planned in advance and well spread across the region. Nothing to worry if you've missed to sip new wine at your place - It’ll be newer next week in the neighborhood

Not to mention the Beer fests in October - Though it is only the Munich fest which makes to papers, October beer fests is a commonality, I guess throughout EU. (I was in Belgium in the last week of October and I saw a poster titled October Beer Fest)

November - December: "Weinnachtsmarkt" - Christmas Night Market. Open all day but attracts crowd during evening and nights. Bummer on freezing temperature. Who cares?! You have "Gluhwein"! It is a wine that is zested with aromatic spices and many other liqueurs. Served hot, the best hot wine I've had. Imagine sipping hot wine at night amidst snow! Ofcourse, you could soon find yourself in no man's land if you abuse 'em

"SauerKraut": A typical German dish - fermented shredded cabbage and sausages, served with Wine. A delicacy in the Rheinland Pfalz (A state in south Germany). However, there is also a fest by this name in Autumn. It was in November first week at my village.

I’ll stop here. I reckon there a couple more like this but let me conclude.

I was said that the people here in Germany (rather Europeans) are more to themselves and do not have or enjoy much of social life. My friend says “reality is stranger than fiction” and so it is! Come what may, rain, snow, storm, scorching heat, folks just do not care. They just do it. They are right there with Jack Wolfskins, Umbrellas, Buggies, , - - - but they are. Nothing matters. They do come out and enjoy, do a lot of small talk (though there is nothing called as small talk for Germans. You ask “How is the weather today”, rest assured, you’ll get a weather report), greet everyone with all pleasure; beer’s on the floor, so are music and food

And these fests in fact act as a catalyst in keeping them alive. No doubts about it.

A striking fact is that we have festivals spread throughout the year in India too. Each one has its own timing and significance. Now, to look at the basic principle, we have invented festivals to come out of our couches, look around, network, socialize, appreciate life and rejuvenate. It is in this sense the festivals are to be lived.

Until next Fest,

Gulmohar.

Do we see the big picture?

Recently, two of my close friends were in deep depression - As always, I used my solid consoling skills and made them feel better over weeks. Both of them are housewives married to their loves, have children, totally committed to their families and are convinced of what they are doing for the family. They cook, raise children and look after their husbands well.

The first lady is bugged up of the same life everyday. In her own words, it is just the same stuff that she does everyday. No change at all. She is connected to a few people and at times she wishes that she were to be them or do things that they're doing. But she cannot because of the commitments and constraints. At times, she's too hard on kids for not listenening to her. So many things make her feel sad. I asked her what would make her happy and her reply was I do not know
The second is a young lady who has just stepped into motherhood. In her words, she understands her husband well and always working for the better of the family. But she's not getting what she wants in return. It is simple love and empathy that she expects from her husband which she thinks, is deprived of. She's good but the world is cruel to her.

I had to highlight in bold to both of them their brighter sides of life, give instances and cite opportunities on how they can get into a lot of excitement and eventually realise that life is simply beautiful (which I am still in process of assimilating and implementing for my own self).

Of course, they had different problems but I could see one tangible commonality in both of them:
They see only what they want to see in the world around - they have a terribly narrow vision on what they want to see in people. They see only that part which interests them and the rest is simply out of focus.
The chances are naturally high to stumble on framing a wrong opinion because they see only a part and not the whole. The big picture is completely lost! To cite an example, if I am fanatic about reading newspapers every morning (which I am definitely not:-) and the gentleman next door doesn't even subscribe them, for me he becomes a dull guy though he's a rocket scientist by profession. And all this happens in a split second - it is so fast and probably our neurons fire the same way everytime, the moment it sees a trend - just like antivirus routers.

Putting into the right words, our (allow me to extrapolate and make this generic) love towards our children, parents, friends and whomsoever connected is as I said - very narrow which has a defined scope and strict boundary - it is conditional. There are inumerable instances of this very same loophole in our everyday life. When I started interviewing people for my company, 3 years back, I initially used to probe candidates with stuff that interests me rather than getting to know the candidate's strengths and then relate them to our needs and organizational standards. It was not even 10 candidates for about a month, I started hating interviews and looked for excuses to avoid them. But shortly I realized that I am being very mean and unfair to the candidates to impose conditions and topics that I am a interested in - suddenly interviewing became a pleasure! Every interview was a great opportunity to know people and in fact I was recognized for being the most active participant in recruitment for that year having interviewed a whooping 98 candidates. This for me has always been a good reference and am happy that it has a documented evidence - my hours are booked in a system with date, candidate name and feedback too!

Next time we meet the guy next door/colleague/wife/children/husband - let's make a consious effort not to stereotype them.

Whatever goes around, comes around

It was last month that I finished reading a book on Yoga - "Iyengar - the Yoga master" and needless to say, I was thrilled by what people had to say about Yoga and the Master himself. One has to be terribly great to have his name added to the Oxford dictionary and to be named as one of Top 100 people by the Times magazine.

So, a week later, I decided to see if Iyengar Yoga can be my cup of tea as well and decided to search for some yogic practitioners in Germany. The results were simply too much for me to digest! I could find more than 50 certified teachers of BKS Iyengar method in Berlin alone (which is atleast 5 times more than the # of similar schools in entire state of Karnataka in India!). I could also find that the teachers are spread almost to the length and breadth of Germany - from Aachen in the West, Rostock in the North, to Freiburg in the South. Indian Yoga is unequivocally popular in the heart of EU and this made my raise my head and blow my trumpet in Office that whole week:-

While India is embracing the West and Rest , are the Rest and West reciprocating? I think days are not far when people from the West travel to India to hold seminars and workshops on Yoga! (or is this reality already?).