Nowhere --> Now here

I am sure I have more time these weeks for I am writing after the one I wrote only a few weeks back.

One thought that has kept thumping my head for the last few years is on discovering my strength - In the sense of what I am best at. I hate to admit, I still do not know. It has till date been a journey with my arms, ears and eyes wide open to someday bump into that very strength I wanna embrace for life. I in fact envy artists who are at the pinnacle of their ecstasy while they are into their art. I know a fellow colleague of mine who is an amazing painter. I envy her for she's engrossed in painting for good number of hours to the extent at times even a tornado goes unnoticed by her! I envy musicians on stage who are at absolute bliss (Of course, at times I am also in bliss when I adopt alternate strategies :) I envy architects who seem to be in their own world of impeccable nirvana (until the edifices crash of course :)

Having said that, I do not even mean that I do not enjoy whatever I am doing at present! Very often, I do not know how time flies while I am at work. For most of my work these days is limited to MS Office, hours pass by when I prepare some presentations or when I review some or when I analyze some rso called risks! I do enjoy those moments like anything; nevertheless, I am not sure if it is the same ecstasy that I exhibit as that of folks I spoke of. One reason could be that my job is not the one of my choice but of chance. I am sure I never dreamt of analyzing risks and getting brainsick of custom shapes and animations in MS PowerPoint while I was in school! I believe I just took the life as it came along - What a stupid statement! I should take my life wherever I wanna go.
Do I have the conscious of Stone Age? I do not know!

Recently, I read a book "Stumbling on Happiness" and some of the logical conclusions thereof were worth a few kilo bytes in my brain and so is its shedding in here.

It goes on to prove that the human brain is anatomically obliged to get influenced by the current situation while we attempt to foresee/recall something in future/past. It is due to the fact that the part of brain called the visual cortex gives priority to reality than to anything else. The brain is obliged to give the right of way to present reality than to future imagination/past memory. Cryptic isn't it? zum beispiel, let’s say on a hypothetical day, my Manager appreciates me to glory in a team meeting (hmm, Scott Adams will hang himself if he gets to read this:) and soon after the meeting, if my colleague who is foxed making a selection for his new car asks me how happy am I with my car - - I am more likely to put a positive picture to him even if I usually envy other cars while I am driving mine! The rationale is simple, the brain just cannot objectively decide on anything that is not happening now without being influenced by what's happening now!! Mathematically speaking, the frame of reference is always "Now". Our feelings about everything else (equally for past and future) are nothing more than a function of present.

Future = f (present); F = f(P)

The corollary I could deduce is that, when I think and feel to be 1000 times happier flying a Chopper rather than dying with flying animations in PowerPoint, rest assured, I WILL not feel 1000 times happier when I actually fly one! Simply due to the fact that my happier (?) feelings of flying are considerably influenced by whatever I am doing now.

The concept looks so damn simple and in fact, one can easily correlate to a lot of philosophy as well. So, why think about something else and get into a sovereign illusion than enjoying the Now?! I think it is a constant back and forth of "Now here --> Nowhere".

Nevertheless, one day I am sure I will realize what I wanna do - living in seventh heaven with every moment being as ecstatic as it can get! Who stops me from dreaming anyways?! I know I like illusions :)